When to Get Relationship Counseling
“When to Get Relationship Counseling”
Ever since I wrote my “Reverse Your Breakup” and “Smart
Relationships Course” based on my real life experience in helping
couples with their relationship and marriage problems, I’ve been
asked more and more about my view on relationship and marriage
counseling. Every week, I get readers who email me to ask, “Marius,
what do you think of relationship counseling? Do you think it
would be worthwhile for me to go?”
In my opinion, relationship counseling could be VERY useful
as long as the following conditions apply:
1) You Know It’s Not Your Character Problem
If you are suffering in a relationship because of your own
emotional baggage or character problems, please forget about
relationship counseling and see a therapist or psychologist
first. Almost every single relationship case I’ve worked with
involves 1 or more of the following 3 problem factors:
Character, Intimacy, or Attraction. A relationship coach can
help you improve your communication skills or find the missing
spark again, but there’s no way they can help you overcome
your inner demons unless they have been trained as a
psychologist.
I’m going to be really blunt here….
If you have daddy issues, go see a therapist.
If you have addictions, go see a therapist.
If you are abusive, go see a therapist.
Get it?
Once you have your inner demons under control, you can THEN
go through relationship counseling if you think you still
need some extra help. But don’t try to fix your relationship
before you fix yourself – it’s not fair to your partner!
2) You Know That It’s Not Your Partner’s Character Problem
The same also applies to your partner. If they have character
or emotional problems that are affecting your relationship
with them, get them to seek professional help. If they refuse
to seek help, there’s not much you can do. Ultimately, it’s their
decision – and you have to respect that. It’s their choice
to stay addicted to drugs, and it’s your choice to stay with
them…
3) There’s Intimacy Issues But You Both Want to Make It Work
You can seek relationship or marriage counseling if there’s
a lack of emotional intimacy but you’re both still determined
to make things work. (If only one of you want to stay, then
it’s really an attraction issue. Relationship counseling won’t
help you much here. You’ll need to get my “Smart Dating Course”
and my “Smart Relationships Course” and try to use my techniques
to boost that attraction.)
Through relationship counseling, you will learn how to respect
each other’s safety zones by:
- Understanding and comforting your partner even
when you disagree
- Showing support for their goals and decisions
- Using active listening to understand your partner
- Understanding how your own actions and behavior affects
your partner and the relationship
- Examining your mutual goals and values
- Listening and clarifying instead of making assumptions
But these things definitely won’t boost the attraction! Use them
on a person who’s not interested at all anymore, and you will only
push them further away!
4) When the Spark is Missing, But You Still Want to Stay With Each Other
Relationship counseling will also help if you feel the
“spark” is mostly gone but there is still attraction left.
You will learn how to bring back the “fun” in your relationship
or marriage. Naturally, you can’t have the first touch or the
first kiss again, but at least you will enjoy each other’s
company and feel a satisfying “bond” between each other.
5) When Infidelity Has Occurred But You Both It To Work
Another reason to seek relationship counseling is
if infidelity has occurred in your relationship but you are
BOTH interested in putting it behind you.
Having a neutral relationship coach who can
guide you through the most common reactions after the
incident (examples: guilt, jealousy, criticism, and
contempt) may affect the time it takes for your relationship
to recover, or even if your relationship recovers at all!
To say the least, going through counseling TOGETHER
will demonstrate a willingness and commitment to make the
relationship work, and that is a VERY important first
step to recovery.
6) When There’s a Specific Issue You BOTH Want Help On
Relationship counseling may also show you how
to deal with a lot of the small challenges that life
may throw at you. By removing the small obstacles in
your relationship (money, family, etc) one by one,
you may eventually bring back all the small pleasures
back into your relationship.
Don’t think you need relationship counseling
yet but still want to improve your relationship? Get my
“Smart Relationships Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
You won’t regret getting it. Learn just ONE
useful concept, and itwill benefit you FOR LIFE!
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella.
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