The Biggest Irony In Dating And Relationships
“The Biggest Irony In Dating And Relationships”
As a dating and relationship coach, I see
the biggest irony in dating and relationships every
day: People often make mistakes *because* they
are trying to make things better…
You see…
Most guys and women who write me for
relationship advice are afraid that if they do
not go after their partners or crushes constantly,
something bad will happen. Some even think that
if they maintain any sort of emotional distance,
their crushes or mates will think they are not
interested and give up. So they chase and chase
or push and push until they push their crushes
or loved ones away.
In my opinion, this is the biggest irony
of all: When it comes to dating and relationships,
people often make things worse because they are
trying to make things better. They are constantly
thinking things such as:
“What if she forgets me if I don’t call
her back right away?”
“But I want her to be happy, and I know
she will be happy if I call her again!!!”
“If I don’t ask her out again now,
another guy might beat me to it.”
“If I don’t show her how much I still
love her, she will start seeing that other guy.”
“If I don’t go to the prom with her,
she may find another date, and then I won’t
have another chance…”
And as a result, they do things such as:
- Coming on too strong.
- Acting too needy.
- Being pushy.
- Being annoying instead of persistent.
- Spending money on gifts and flowers.
(Which can kill attraction in some cases.)
- “Confessing” their love. (Bad idea!)
If you’re a student of my “Smart Dating
System”, you should know that these actions
will quickly push a woman (or man) away.
As I always say, just because something
feels good to you doesn’t mean it will raise
a woman’s attraction towards you!
So…how can you overcome your natural
tendency to focus on what feels good to you rather
than what’s actually good for your courtship or
relationship?
The answer is simple: By having self-control
and discipline. In any field of study, self-control
is discipline is what allows a person to stick to
the “correct” and beneficial actions, which
usually don’t feel good in the short run. Dating
is no different. There are times when you must
pull back or not make that phone call, even when
you want to. And to get that self-control, you
should try to focus on the long term and think
and the “big picture” and broad concepts that
I’ve taught you in my newsletter and ebooks.
With a bit of practice, you too will
have that self-control!
For more dating tips, sign up for my
dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
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Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
How To Fend Off A Crazy Ex
“How To Fend Off A Crazy Ex”
Did you start dating a psycho who is now
obsessed about you and won’t leave you alone? Here
are a few tips on how to get rid of a psycho ex.
1) Have a cold heart
Once you have decided that a relationship
is not working for you because your ex is crazy
or even dangerous, you have to have a cold heart
and just break up. You can’t expect to “be nice”
because it will only give your ex false hope.
Don’t be concerned if your ex feels
sad, angry, upset, bitter, jealous, or any other
kind of emotion. You have made a decision to
move on. Stick with it!
2) Cut all contact
To have a clean cut and not give your ex
any false hope, you need to cut all contact.
Return ALL of your ex’s belongings as soon as
possible. Do NOT call or send any emails. Do NOT
answer any calls from your ex. Make it clear that
you want to move on.
3) Make it clear that you have moved on
If your ex ever finds a way to reach you,
make it clear that you have moved on with your life.
Speak enthusiastically about how you are with your
life and hang up or leave the scene as quickly as
possible.
4) Do not respond to mind games
Crazy does not equal stupid. Some of
the obsessive ex’s I have helped my clients get rid
of were smart enough to use every mind game in the
world. The only way to defend yourself against
these tactics is to not respond to the person at all.
Here’s a good analogy I have learned from
a reader…
“If you try to hit a snake with a stick it will
just go up the stick and bite you!”
Don’t try to deal with a psycho ex. Avoid
contact in the first place.
5) Do not remain friends
Don’t try to remain friends with an
obsessive ex. It will only make things harder for
both of you.
6) Do not try to help the person to get over you
Don’t try to “help the person to get
over you.” It never works. In fact, it will
only make it harder for the person to move on.
7) Inform everybody
Try to tell all your friends and family
about the break up. If this has been an absusive
relationship, tell them about the abuse you have
suffered too. A client I have was never able to
break things off with his ex until he told his
friends that she had been hitting him. It’s
embarrassing to share this kind of information
with friends and family, but their support can
really help you pull out of a tight situation.
8) Sound a warning if stalking behaviour occurs
As soon as your ex starts stalking
you, threaten to contact the authorities. If
the unwanted behavior persists, then take
actiona dn contact the authorities. Get
a restraining order if you must.
9) Do not pity your ex or get upset
Do not have pity on your ex no matter
what you hear. Even if you hear from a third
party your ex is having trouble paying the bills,
etc, do not offer to help. You’ll only be
inviting drama back into your life.
10) Don’t date a pyshco in the first place
And most important of all, don’t date
a psycho in the first place. In most cases
that I’ve worked with, psychotic and obsessive
behaviour only increase over time. It is a lot
easier to cut off a person after the first date
than after the tenth of twentieth date. As soon
as you sense there is something wrong with a date,
don’t pursue the relationship – no matter how
hot the person is or how great the sex feels.
Lots of guys think they can deal with
a crazy woman as long as they are getting great
sex from her. WRONG. They are actually playing
with fire! Eventually, dating a crazy woman
WILL make your life VERY complicated.
I have seen it happen way too many
times…
For more honest and down to earth dating
and relationship advice, sign up for my free
dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
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An Arrogant Dating Tip For Guys Who Keep Dating Drama Queens
“An Arrogant Dating Tip For Guys Who Keep Dating Drama Queens”
Here’s an “arrogant” dating tip for guys who seem to
keep dating drama queens:
Do not date any woman who has more problems than
you do…
In my experience, guys who always end up with
problem women are usually drawn to crazy women:
1) Because of their own problems. (Likes attract…)
2) Because they want to make themselves feel
better for “saving” people with bigger problems
than they have themselves. (See: downdating Bill Burr: Why Do I Do This? full movie The Assassination of Richard Nixon ipod )
3) Because they are addicted to relationship drama.
Therefore, if you make it a conscious effort
to avoid dating any woman who has more problems than
yourself, you will automatically screen out most of
the drama queens who’ll eventually drain all your energy
out of you.
Of course, you may find it hard to do at
the beginning.
You may find “normal” women too “boring”
for you to date.
You may even find this tip arrogant and offensive
because you think everybody deserves a chance and that
you should not avoid a woman just because she has a lot
more problems than you do.
If you feel that way, then be my guest and
keep getting involved with drama queens who’ll
eventually destroy your life – over and over.
It’s your own choice!
For more dating tips and relationship
advice, check out my free dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius
P.S. So what if you have more problems than other people? Does
it means you do not deserve a chance to date? No, not at all -
but it is YOUR responsibility to work on your life first.
Don’t expecting dating to solve your life’s problems. When you
can chronically depressed or bankrupt, you should be worrying
about fixing your problems, not meeting women!