You are here:
Home / Archives for Marius Panzarella
Posted by Marius Panzarella on October 8, 2011 · Leave a Comment
“How To Get Someone To Open Up Their Emotions”
Have you ever tried to approach someone who
seemed sad to see how they were doing, only to hear
them tell you they are doing “just fine”?
Here is a POWERFUL psychological technique
you can use to get past their defensive barrier.
It’s called the reflective question.
What is means is that you should state
a little bit EVIDENCE that you see and then ask
a DIRECT QUESTION that is a reflective statement
of the evidence.
Let’s use a practical example. Assume your
husband or wife have been frowning all morning.
If you were to ask, “Honey, are you okay?” they
will probably answer with a simple, “Yes, I’m fine…”
just so you will leave them alone.
Not very useful.
BUT, if you were to ask, “Did something
happen? You have been frowning all morning,”
they will feel more obliged to answer because
it will be hard for them to disagree a fact that
is out on the open. What are they going to say,
that they’ve been smiling all morning?
This technique is VERY powerful. (Professional
counselors and police interrogators use it all
the time.) Make sure you only use it to HELP
people. Don’t abuse it, or the Karma Police
is going to come after you!
For more dating tips, check out my dating
newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
Posted by Marius Panzarella on October 1, 2011 · Leave a Comment
“How To Become A Great Conversationalist With the Backpocket Question Technique”
Have you ever run out of things to say during
a social situation or a first date? Do you wish to
become a brilliant conversationalist who could make
anyone become more engaged with you?
Although I can’t teach you how to become
a great conversationalist overnight, I can teach you
one trick that radio and television show hosts use
all the time to bail themselves out of those
uncomfortable silent moments.
The secret is to build a library of
“backpocket questions” that you can pull out and
use whenever there’s an awkward silence with a
stranger or acquaintance.
A perfect example of a backpocket question
is the “So what do you think about <blank>?” question.
You can pick from topics that require some explanation
such as work and current events. As always, avoid
war, sex, politics, and religion.
Here’s a exercise for you:
On a piece of paper, write down 20 potential
topics that you can use with the “What do you think
about <topic>” question. Memorize these topics in
your head and be ready to use them at any time,
anywhere.
You’ll never run out of things to talk
about again!
For more dating tips, sign up for my dating
newsletter now at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
Posted by Marius Panzarella on September 26, 2011 · Leave a Comment
“Perception Vs Reality – A Dating Exercise ”
Here’s yet another dating discovery exercise for
you to try.
In the past few weeks, I’ve given you two exercises
that you can use to improve yourself – the dating
retrospective and the natural communication exercise.
But these exercises aren’t useful if you are
completely out-of-sync with reality. For example, in an
extreme case, a man could think he’s flirting with a
woman when he’s actually being very creepy. (If you have
read my newsletter on the George Sodini case many months
ago, you will know what I mean.)
So how can you be sure you’re in sync with
reality and not just fantasying? How can you be certain
that how you see yourself is pretty close to how others
see you?
Here’s what I want you to do. If you’re constantly
beating your head against the wall even though you’ve
convinced you’re trying everything I’ve taught you, reach
out to your more successful friends (not just any friend!)
and ask them for some honest feedback. Be sure to ask for
SPECIFIC examples and situations.
No matter what they say, make sure you keep an
open mind and do NOT rebuttal. Remember, the WHOLE point
of this exercise is to find out HOW and WHY people’s
perception is you is different than your own. If what
they tell you bruise your ego, it’s EXACTLY what you need
to hear!
Next, write down the issues they bring up and
in another column, your original perception of yourself.
Look at the differences between the two and
identity the things that could be CAUSING the perception
others have of you. Once again, don’t get defensive
and “argue”. Remember that you can’t control what
other people think: you can only influence them.
Finally, come up with a list of action steps
you should take to improve yourself based on the outside
perspective. In time, your assessments will be a lot closer
to the “reality” people around you perceive.
I know this exercise isn’t easy to do – but it’s
well worth the effort!
For more dating tips, sign up for my dating newsletter now at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
Posted by Marius Panzarella on September 22, 2011 · Leave a Comment
“Natural Communication Style Exercise In Dating”
Last time I talked about the importance of having
dating retrospective sessions so that you can learn from
your past experiences and improve your game. Today I’m
going to give you an exercise you can use to improve
your communication style with women.
1) First, describe on a piece of paper what you think your
natural communication style with the opposite sex is.
For example, is it serious, flirty, open, discreet,
emotional, analytical, cocky, needy, funny, boring,
controlled, spontaneous, quiet, or chatty?
Write down NOT what you want it to be, but what your
friends, family, and past dates will probably perceive
it as. (Be honest. This exercise will NOT be useful if
you lie to yourself!)
2)Next, draw a vertical line down the middle of the
rest of the page to divide it in half.
3) On the left side, write down the upsides of your
communication style when it comes to dealing with the
opposite sex.
4) On the right side, list the downsides of your
communication style that may break rapport or lower
attraction.
5) Choose three upsides from the left column
that you could use to get even better results in
dating and relationships.
6) Choose three downsides from the light column
and identify ways to downplay, improve, or eliminate
them.
7) Copy the six items onto a small index card and
carry it around in your wallet.
8) Start focusing on your upsides in conversations.
9) Eliminate your downsides.
10) Don’t stop practicing until you have really brought
your good habits to the surface and eliminated your
bad habits!
For more dating tips, check out my dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius
“The Dating Retrospective”
Want to get better at dating quickly? Here’s
what I want you to do.
1) After you come home from a date, take out a piece of paper
and write down what you did well and what could be improved.
2) Pick just ONE THING out of the thing you could improve
on and focus on that.
3) Put this paper in a binder and file it away somewhere
safe. Every month, go back and read your previous entries.
See if you have changed your opinion on how your dates went.
In time, you will find that a lot of your thoughts
and assumptions may turn out to be not so accurate.
For example, you may think that a date had gone
particularly well because the girl had told you that she
had a great time. But if she had not returned your calls for
the next two weeks, it’s a pretty strong signal you had
misjudged her interest level.
This is a GREAT way to synchronize your perception
with reality. As I always say, the longer you ignore reality,
the more it will hurt when you finally wake up!
By the way, this technique also work for work,
business, and pretty much anything. I strongly recommend
you to hold retrospective sessions with anything that
you would like to work on in your life!
For more dating tips, check out my Smart Dating Course.
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
“20 Questions To Assess Your Likability”
Are you single? Do you want to be more likable and make
more friends? Here are 20 questions you should ask yourself to assess
your likability. Use these questions to guide you to improve
yourself.
1) Are you fun to be around? Do other people think you are fun to be around?
2) Are you always improving yourself?
3) Do you meet as many people as you can?
4) Do you smile at people naturally?
5) Do you make other people feel good?
6) Do you have a wicked sense of humor?
7) Do you have a strong direction in life?
8) Do you have goals and ambitions?
9) Are you a good active listener?
10) Are you a strong, reliable leader?
11) Are you in the top 20% of whatever you choose to do?
12) Are you dynamic and spontaneous?
13) Do you flirt casually without expecting anything in return?
14) Do you have exciting stories you can share with the people you meet?
15) Do you observe what makes people likable and model yourself after them?
16) Do you do a “retrospective” think about all the things you did right or wrong every day?
17) Do you always keep something in reserve so you’re not showing everything?
18) Do you inspire other people?
19) Are you send off a strong, confident, independent vibe?
20) Do you walk tall and stand up straight?
For more dating tips, sign up for my dating tips newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
- Marius Panzarella
“How to Regain Someone’s Trust”
Let’s say you have made a horrible mistake. Let’s
say you have lied or cheated. Heck, let’s say you have
cheated and then told lies on top of lies to cover up, but
you have been busted anyway. How can you recover from your
mistake and regain your love one’s trust?
It won’t be easy, but is what you should do:
1) Be Genuinely Sorry
First of all, you have to admit to yourself that
you have made a mistake. If you make excuses for yourself
or try anything funny to cover things up, it’s just going
to make things worse. It is better to admit you have really
screwed up on this one.
2) Be Responsible
Secondly, you need to be responsible and “do
the right thing.” If you have been cheating, end the
affair immediately. If you have been dating multiple
women without telling them about each other, then
apologize to all of them and break up. (You deserve it.)
3) Don’t Expect Forgiveness
Do not demand or expect forgiveness. Instead,
let the people you’ve hurt know that you’re sorry
and that you do not expect them to forget what you’ve
done. Tell them you have learned your lesson and regret
your mistake. This is better than begging for their
forgiveness because if a person does not want to forgive
you, begging for their forgiveness won’t help the
situation any.
4) Don’t Ever Make The Same Mistake Again
Make sure you demonstrate you have changed by
NEVER making the same mistake again. If you do it just
ONE more time after telling them you’re sorry, you
will lose ALL credibility.
5) Have Patience
After you have done the steps above, you
will have to let time do the healing. In time, they
MAY see you have really changed and trust you more
again. (Though doubts may still linger in the back
of their minds.)
6) Understand That It May Not Be Fixable
If they still do not trust you after you’ve
fixed your mistake and changed for the better, then
that’s a sign you should move on. End the relationship
and prove yourself worthy of trust with another person.
Don’t let that one mistake define the rest of your life.
See it as a lesson and move on.
- Marius Panzarella
Posted by Marius Panzarella on May 3, 2011 · 1 Comment
“How To Talk To Shy Women (Or Men)”
Here are a few tips on how to talk to shy people.
1) Smile and make eye contact
First of all, smile and be warm. Make eye contact, but
don’t expect them to sustain it.
2) Don’t make sudden, threatening movements
Avoid making sudden, threatening movements that may
scare them. Don’t lean in too close. Try to give them a lot
of physical space. If they tense or flinch when you lean over,
you’ve crossed their line. Lean back.
3) Speak softly and slowly
Speak softly and slowly. Make it so that they almost
have to lean forward to hear you. You will appear a lot less
intimidating to them.
4) Lead the conversation
Don’t expect them to carry the conversation or even
participate much. You’ll have to do the leading. Lead gently
until they relax and start chatting back.
5) Talk about things they want to talk about
Fine something they’d really enjoy talking about.
Bring up their favorite hobby. A lot of shy people are
shy until they start talking about something they are passionate
about.
6) Give them positive feedback
Give them a bit of positive feedback to show you’re
listening when they do speak. Agree with them. Ask questions.
Heck, just nod every now and then!
7) Don’t talk about their shyness
Avoid talking about their shyness. Don’t ask questions
such as “Why are you so quiet?” It will only make them more
self-conscious.
8) Avoid personal questions
Shy people often feel threatened when they are forced to
give out too much information about themselves. Avoid asking
personal questions. Simply stick to topics related to the current
location or activity.
9) Invite them to do something with you
Some people are more comfortable DOING things than talking.
If you find an activity they enjoy, invite them to do it with
you. They’ll appreciate it a lot more than just sitting there
talking to you.
12) Have patience and don’t push too much
Finally, have patience and know that it’s not your fault
if a shy person does not open up to you immediately. Give them
time to get comfortable around you!
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
(c)2011 Marius Panzarella, All Rights Reserved.
“How To Avoid The Friendship Zone”
One of the questions I get ALL THE TIME is, “Marius, how can
I make sure I don’t fall into the friendship zone when I meet a girl?”
Here are a couple of ways you can avoid the friendship trap
that so many guys fall into when they meet a woman.
1) Start flirting from day one.
First of all, it is important that you start flirting and teasing
from day one. The key is to start establishing the sexual chemistry BEFORE
the friendship solidifies. Why? Because if a woman does not sense that
ROMANTIC SPARK in the first month, it will be much more difficult
for you to change that perception going forward. The closer you get to her,
the more she will see you as a “best friend” or “brother”.
2) Keep being a challenge.
You’ll also need to remain a challenge so that she does not
take you for granted. When you stop being a challenge, the SPARK
is going to die (that’s assuming you had one in the first place), and
off to the friendship zone you’ll go.
3) Strike while the iron is hot.
If she flirts back or responds well to your advances, then
ADVANCE EVEN MORE! Don’t wait for more confirmation or back off to
make her wonder. Advance ahead and strike while the iron is hot.
If you don’t, you’ll probably regret it later!
4) Pull back if you’re already a “friend”
If she already sees you as just a friend, then pull back
and let her see you with other women. Distance yourself so that
you have the opportunity to pop back into her life later and start
afresh.
5) Use physical action rather than words.
A common trait I see among men who always end up becoming “best
friends” of woman instead of their lovers is being all talk and
no action. These guys will have GREAT conversations with the girls
they meet but never advance physically. Make love to her with
your eyes. Flirt and advance through action rather than with words.
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
(c)2011 Marius Panzarella, All Rights Reserved.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on February 4, 2011 · 2 Comments
“5 Flirty Ways To Respond When a Woman Tells You She Likes You”
Today I’ll show you 5 flirty ways to respond when a woman
tells you she likes you.
Technique #1: “I Know”
Say, “I know” matter-of-factly. Then give her a nice
hug or a kiss to acknowledge her feelings. Try to avoid mentioning
your reciprocal interest in her verbally. Instead, prove it
with a kiss. This way, you’re acknowledging her feelings while
remaining a challenge.
Technique #2) “You Wouldn’t Be Here Otherwise”
Say “I know” just like the last one. If she asks you how
you know, say, “Well, you wouldn’t be here otherwise, would you?”
Then make a physical move such as grabbing her hand or giving her
a kiss.
Technique #3) “The Stalker”
Look at her in the eyes and say, “Well, you’re not going
to start stalking me now, are you?” Then give her a long, romantic
kiss.
Technique #4) “So Do I”
Say, “I know. So do I.” When she looks confused, say, “I like
myself very much too, so you’re not alone.” Then turn serious
and give her a passionate kiss…
Technique #5) “Which part?”
Smile and say, “Which part of me do you like?” No matter what
her answer is, say, “You know what I like about you? Your honesty.”
Give her a kiss.
It is important that you try to end all of the techniques above
with a kiss. If you perform do them without a kiss, you’re just a jerk
taking advantage of a poor girl’s feelings. But if you’re doing it with
a kiss, then you’re flirting with her AND displaying your interest in
her through action!
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
(c)2011 Marius Panzarella, All Rights Reserved.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on January 24, 2011 · 1 Comment
“How To Meet Your Date’s Parents”
Here are a few tips on how to meet your date’s parents.
1) Have a firm handshake. If your handshake is weak, they will
think you’re a loser.
2) Dress well.
3) Do NOT be evasive about your past, work, or career.
4) Accept all good and drink invitations.
5) Be polite and show respect.
6) Give them a small gift that you are sure they will like.
(Confirm with your date!)
7) Do NOT smoke.
8) Think about what kind of questions they may ask and prepare
your answers ahead of time.
9) Don’t swear or use bad language.
10) Avoid politics and religion.
11) Don’t act cocky.
12) Treat the whole situation as a job interview.
13) Act interested in their family life.
14) Use the pictures on the wall as a conversation starter to talk
about your date’s childhood.
15) Don’t talk about or refer to sex. Act like you haven’t
slept together yet and won’t until you’re married.
16) Show some humor, but without trying to entertain the whole
table. (You don’t want to come across as a clown.)
17) Pay attention and LISTEN to what the parents are saying.
Remember: If the parents don’t like you, they are going to talk
behind your back and try to damage your relationship until you’re broken
up. So make sure you show respect and try to get them to like you!
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
(c)2011 Marius Panzarella, All Rights Reserved.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on January 13, 2011 · Leave a Comment
“When Is A Date a Date?”
I am often asked, “Marius, how can I tell with a date
is a date…or if we’re just hanging out as friends?” My response
is always, “It all depends on how much flirting there is
going on.” With that said, here’s a bucket list of what makes
a date or just a casual hangout.
Signs you’re just hanging out as friends:
1) You’re splitting the check
2) There is absolutely no chemistry
3) There is no flirting
4) They talk about their ex
5) There is no hand holding
6) They bring other people
7) They talk about other people they are dating
8) They don’t try to advance or make any moves
9) They talk to you like you’re their counselor
Signs you are on a date:
1) One of you is paying most of the time
2) There’s chemistry
3) There’s flirting
4) You have held hands
5) You have kissed
6) They avoid bringing out their ex’s or other people they are seeing
7) They pay all of their attention to YOU
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
(c)2011 Marius Panzarella, All Rights Reserved.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on January 4, 2011 · 3 Comments
“How To Stop Your Partner From Cheating”
Here are a few tips on how to prevent your partner
from cheating on you:
1) Make Sure They Have Good Character
First and foremost, make sure you only get into a
relationship with someone of good character. This will
be the biggest factor in whether your partner ends up
cheating on you or not.
So how do you judge a person’s character?
One easy way is by looking at their past
behavior. As I always say, “once a cheater, always a
cheater.” If a woman has a long history of adultery and
short relationships, I doubt she is going to behave any
differently with you. I know it sounds cynical, but
you SHOULD just people based on their past when it
comes to romantic relationships!
For more ways on how to determine a person’s
character, check out my blog post at:
http://www.datingsupportcenter.com/datingarticles/how-to-judge-a-persons-character/
2) Make Sure You Are Romantic
Assuming you have a partner with good character,
you will also need to add in a bit of romance into your
relationship if you want it to work out in the long run.
A relationship without any spark will become stagnant
in the long run.
Block off some alone time every week. Have special
dates. Flirt like you’ve just met each other.
3) Make Sure You Remain a Challenge
People respect what they don’t have and treasure
what they may lose. For the relationship to work in the
long run, it is best that you remain a challenge to your
partner and not become a doormat for them to walk on.
If your partner knows that you have the backbone
to end the relationship as soon as they cheat on you,
they will think twice before doing it!
4) Make Sure You Show Affection
Show some affection by hugging your partner
or helping them with small chores. Show them respect
and appreciation. These little daily acts will help
stabilize the relationship in the long run.
Important Note: Showing too much affection without being
enough of a challenge will have detrimental effects. Your
partner will start seeing you as a needy person!
5) Make Sure You Don’t Commit Adultery Yourself
Lastly, make sure you respect your partner and do
not cheat on them yourself. It always baffles me how some of my
male readers totally flip out and come to me for help when
their wives cheat on them – when they’ve been doing the same
to their wives for years.
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
Posted by Marius Panzarella on December 13, 2010 · 1 Comment
Today I’m going to show you a few ways to
show affection in a relationship:
1) Hold Them Without Talking or Kissing
When you see your partner and when you leave each other,
I want you to hold them in your arms for AT LEAST 10 seconds.
Don’t kiss.
Don’t talk.
Don’t grab their butt.
Just hold them.
You’ll see amazing results if you have the discipline to
do this on a consistent basis.
2) Offer Help For SMALL Things
Offer your partner help in usual tasks. Wash the dishes.
Cook for them. Wash their faces in the shower, etc. It’s the small
things that often go unnoticed that can REALLY make a difference
in a relationship!
3) Have Some Romantic Time
Schedule some romantic time off for each other. For example.
fill your room with scented candles (or scented LED candles that
look like the real thing) and just sit there for awhile.
4) Hold Hands Whenever You Walk
Hold hands whenever you walk, and try to WALK SLOWLY
when you do. It will help create a bond.
5) Listen
Lastly, listen to your partner when they are having a bad
day. Don’t try to offer solutions. Just sit there and listen. They
will really appreciate it.
For more relationship tips, get my “Smart Relationships
Course” now at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
Or, if you still don’t have a girlfriend yet, then you
should get my “Smart Dating Course” a.s.a.p. at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html
You’ll learn literally dozens and dozens of killer
techniques that you can use RIGHT AWAY. No more waiting for
my articles to come into your mailbox every morning and no
more trying to “connect all the dots together” yourself.
You’ll learn the BIGGER PICTURE and EXCATLY what it takes to
create ATTRACTION with the girl you want.
I honestly can’t think of a better or easier way to
improve your love life fast. So download your copy now at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
—————————————————————
“Thank you for helping me through my tough period with your
email support after my awful breakup with my ex. I am much
happier now. You’re right. I CAN get over a woman. I started
using your techniques to pick up a new woman and I’ve had
two separate dates set up so far. I will make sure I tell you
how they go!”
“Single Again” from Portland, Oregon.
—————————————————————
(c)2010 Marius Panzarella, All Rights Reserved.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on December 7, 2010 · Leave a Comment
As a dating and relationships coach, I often receive desperate
emails from my readers along the lines of, “Marius, I’ve tried so hard
to keep my relationship together, but my girlfriend (or boyfriend) still
tells me they are not sure if I am not the one for them. What can I
do to increase their attraction for me?”
Here’s the honest truth: Never try to keep someone who does
not want to keep you. It’s only going to HURT even MORE in the long
run.
I can speak from my 10 years of experience as a dating and
relationships coach that by the time someone is really vocal about
leaving, it is NOT worth it to try to keep them. The more you try
to please or impress them, the more you will PUSH THEM AWAY.
Why? Because the more you try to impress them, the less
romantic respect they will have for you, and the less romantic
respect they have for you, the least they will feel for you
romantically.
So what should you do instead?
Grow some backbone and realize you don’t NEED the relationship.
As politically incorrect as it may sound, I see romantic relationships as
a form of power play. In the perfect relationship, the power is equally.
But if you’re in a relationship in which your partner is always thinking
about leaving you, then you probably have less power than your partner
and not a lot of say in where the relationship should go.
To gain back that lower power, you must develop self-control and
be WILLING TO WALK AWAY. As I say all the time, the greatest power a man
or woman can have in a relationship is the power to WALK AWAY if it’s
bad for them.
Once you develop the power to JUST WALK AWAY, three things may happen:
1) Your partner’s romantic respect and attraction may increase, thereby
saving the relationship naturally.
2) Your partner may not care at all. If that’s the case, the relationship
is beyond saving, but at least you can feel good about yourself.
3) You break up with your partner mutually. But because you’re letting
it happen, it is easier for you to use my techniques in my “Reverse Your
Breakup” book (http://www.reverseyourbreakup.com) to get back together.
Any one of these 3 scenarios is a better alternative to getting
dumped or cheated on “overtime”!
For more practical relationship advice you can apply right away, check out
my “Smart Relationships Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
P.S. Broken up already but want to get your ex back? Get my “Reverse Your
Breakup” at: http://www.reverseyourbreakup.com
Posted by Marius Panzarella on December 5, 2010 · Leave a Comment
“How To Be Less Jealous In a Relationship”
One of the easiest way to push your partner away and
destroy a relationship is to let jealousy control you. If I could
have a dollar for every reader who had pushed their partners away
and destroyed their romantic relationships because they couldn’t
control their own jealousy, I would be a rich man.
So what should you do if you’re prone to get jealous
easily and quickly? Here are a few tips on how to control your own
jealousy:
1) Look Into Your Past:
Think about where you insecurities come from and acknowledge them.
A funny thing I’ve learned from helping clients in the past is that
some fears actually go away after you acknowledge them.
If you’ve had a rough past, consider seeking therapy. It’s
really worth the time and money.
2) Work On Your Self-Esteem:
Learn to think positively and avoid negative self-talk. Go borrow
some books from the library on confidence and self-esteem.
For guys, I have a confidence course at:
http://www.confidencewithdating.com
3) Challenge the Irrational Thinking:
Every time you have a jealous thought, write it down. Include all
the reasons why you think that way.
For example:
My girlfriend is flirting with a guy in front of me.
- She has been talking to him way too long.
- The guy looks like a dirtbag who enjoys stealing women.
- She smiled at him.
- And so on.
Now, leave the piece of paper alone and focus your
mind on something else. Come back to it and write down positive
explanations for the reasons you have written down earlier.
- Maybe she was just having a normal conversation.
- I don’t know the guy so I can’t judge him. I probably
think every guy is out to steal my girlfriend anyway.
- Hey. I smile at people when I want to be polite too.
Now, think about whether your initial accusations make sense.
Finally, wait till the outcome of the situation (Example:
your girlfriend comes back to your table instead of going home
with the guy) and see if your initial worries have been valid.
Then compare them to your “logical” explanations as well as
reality. You may quickly find that most of your initial thoughts
are based on fears that are detached from reality.
4) Talk To Your Partner:
If things keep bother you, then let your partner know that
they are bothering you using assertive language – without making
any accusations.
5) Draw Boundaries:
Work with your partner to draw boundaries and create rules. For
example, they are free to have lunch alone with members of the
opposite sex, as long as they pay for themselves. Diners are out
of the question unless it’s a group thing.
For practical relationship advice you can apply right away, check out
my “Smart Relationships Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
P.S. Broken up already but want to get your ex back? Get my “Reverse Your
Breakup” at: http://www.reverseyourbreakup.com
—————————————————————
“Thank you for helping me through my tough period with your
email support after my awful breakup with my ex. I am much
happier now. You’re right. I CAN get over a woman. I started
using your techniques to pick up a new woman and I’ve had
two separate dates set up so far. I will make sure I tell you
how they go!”
“Single Again” from Portland, Oregon.
—————————————————————
(c)2010 Marius Panzarella, All Rights Reserved.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on October 5, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Sometimes I am asked, “Marius, I’ve been with my girlfriend for
3 months so far. Everything is great and there is a lot of
chemistry. There is just this one little problem – we’ve had
several fights. I really like her…so how can I make it so that we
fight less?”
If you’re in a similar situation, then I’ve got some bad news
for you:
If you have just ONE major fight in your first year together, it’s
a sign you may not belong together.
Why? Because the first year of the relationship is usually when
you’re the MOST flexible with each other. Because the physical
attraction is still high and you’re still getting to know each other,
you should both be willing to make compromises for the other person -
such as eating food you don’t like or going out even though
you have work the next day. You should also be more considerate of each
other’s needs because you haven’t figured out everything yet. Lastly,
you should be overlooking the flaws in the other person because all you
are both still very infatuated.
So if you still can’t help but to FIGHT with each other during this
“honeymoon period”, it’s a MAJOR SIGN things will only GET WORSE
as time goes on.
It doesn’t matter what the reasons for the fights are.
If you’re fighting over small things such as a habit, that habit will
likely NOT go away any time soon. You CAN’T expect to change a person.
You have to accept them for who they are. If you have trouble tolerating
it now, it’s only going to get worse in the future.
If you’re fighting over something BIG such as cheating or lying, then
that’s a sign you can expect MORE DRAMA to come.
Either way, the relationship is probably not going to last too long.
So what should you do if you’re always fighting with your partner but
want to give it a shot anyway?
1) The first thing you should do is to make sure the problems are not on
your end…or that you’re not adding fuel to the fire. You can do so by
reading my “Smart Relationship Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
Once you have identified what’s causing the arguments in your relationship,
you should do everything you are capable or doing on YOUR END to fix
the problem.
2) Next, try telling your partner what you think you should do TOGETHER to
improve the relationship with the assertiveness techniques I teach
you in the course. If they co-operate, then MAYBE you have a chance. If
they don’t, it’s time to move on.
3) Finally, see if things DO get better. If you see a clear upward trend
in your relationship, then maybe it can be saved. Otherwise, it’s time
to consider ending the relationship.
Just remember: If it sucks now, it’s going to suck even MORE once you’re
married!
For practical relationship advice you can apply right away, check out
my “Smart Relationships Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
P.S. Broken up already but want to get your ex back? Get my “Reverse Your
Breakup” at: http://www.reverseyourbreakup.com
Posted by Marius Panzarella on September 28, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Here are some tips on how to be funny around women.
1) Have a positive attitude and energy
The first thing you should do is to have a positive attitude
and give off good energy. I personally know many guys
who THINK they are really witty but are avoided by everyone
because they are so cynical and negative.
You can’t be funny unless you are warm, positive, and energetic.
People won’t like you much if you’re always negative, period!
2) Loosen up and relax
Try to loosen up and relax like you are among your best friends.
Everyone is a bit funny when they are relaxed and among friends.
3) Don’t be desperate or try to impress
Your jokes will seem a bit “off” if you are too desperate or try
too hard to impress a girl. The more you try to impress, the more
your body will tense up and the less funny you will be. You’ll
probably end up looking like a desperate guy who’s trying too hard.
4) Play along when she teases you
Women will often tease you once they are comfortable enough to
joke around. Unfortunately, many guys will get defensive and ruin
the rapport as a result. Don’t make the same mistake.
For example, if a woman laughs and calls you a nerd, don’t get
defensive and start telling her all the cool things you do.
Instead, laugh WITH her and proudly tell her you are the king of
all nerds. Then start doing your best nerd imitation.
5) Listen to what she’s saying and use it as material
Instead of reciting lame jokes, pay attention to what a
girl is saying and use her own lines as material. Tease
her about little things. Agree with her and use imitations
to make fun of the things she dislikes. Come up with some
deliberate misinterpretation or misunderstanding of a
situation. Stay in the moment and just focus on having a
great time.
6) Take up a character and “act” out the unexpected
Speaking of of imitations, it’s a great way to be funny. By
taking up a character, you can be funny without seeming
unnatural. You will be able to stretch the boundaries without
feeling like you’re not “being yourself”. After all, you’re
just imitating someone.
7) Be sarcastic…but not too much
Girls often enjoy humor that is just a LITTLE bit sarcastic.
It shows you have the guts and backbone to not care about
what other people think. However, there is a fine line
between being just a bit sarcastic and being downright
cynical. Make sure you don’t cross the line. (It will take
practice!)
8) Watch lots of comedies
A good way to learn how to be funny is by modeling yourself
after funny people. Watch plenty of comedy movies and
television shows. Observe what’s funny or what’s just
plain terrible. Notice how many of the funniest scenes are not
about the jokes but about particular situations.
9) Make serious situations fun
One thing you will learn from watching comedies is that it is
often the situations, not just the lines, that make the jokes
funny. The jokes are merely are a reflection of how the
characters react to the situation.
With that kept in mind, think about how you can turn serious
situations into funny situations whenever it’s appropriate.
It’s much funnier to point out something unexpectingly funny
about a certain situation than to recite some lame joke out
of a jokes book!
10) Uses pauses wisely
Remember the old rule in stand-up comedy: use pauses wisely!
Putting in a pause at the right moment will create a greater impact
for the punch line!
11) Don’t let a joke get old
Something is funny the first or second time, but not the third.
Make sure you don’t overuse a joke or gag to a point where it’s
not funny naymore.
12) Recover well
Lastly, if you make a mistake such as blowing a joke, recover
IMMEDIATELY by laughing it off and saying something like, “That
just came off wrong.” By acknowledging it as a bad joke, people
will laugh with you and let you off the hook. But if you don’t
allow for that closure, then a bad impression of you may form in
their mind.
For more ways to turn yourself into the MAN women
LOVE, check out my Smart Dating Course at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html
I’ve spent my last 9 years running this newsletter,
putting the course together, and tweaking it to “perfect”
it, and I can tell you that there’s NOTHING else available
on the Internet that will get you this kind of results at
this price.
Go see for yourself, at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
P.S. Women, check our my “Smart Relationships Course” at:
www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
—————————————————————
“Thank you for helping me through my tough period with your
email support after my awful breakup with my ex. I am much
happier now. You’re right. I CAN get over a woman. I started
using your techniques to pick up a new woman and I’ve had
two separate dates set up so far. I will make sure I tell you
how they go!”
“Single Again” from Portland, Oregon.
—————————————————————
(c)2010 Marius Panzarella, All Rights Reserved.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on September 24, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Want to improve your social life? Here are some great ways for you to meet more people:
1) Go out when people invite you
The first thing I would say is that you should make sure to
always try saying “yes” whenever you are invited out. Meeting
new friends through friends is one of the best ways to
expand your social circle. Since it’s by invitation only,
you can be sure that you will have at least a TINY bit of
social proof instead of being just another complete stranger
at a pub or nightclub.
Furthermore, if you want more of a social life, then you
should NOT be turning away invitations anyway. So get off
your high horse, forget your excuses, and just go out and
have a good time!
2) Take classes
Taking classes is a GREAT way to meet people. Not only will
you meet people with similar interests, you will also pick
up new skills and knowledge that could potentially become
conversation topics with other people in the future.
Be sociable and strike up conversations before and after
classes. Ask questions and volunteer during class so
everyone remembers your face. Organize study sessions
and invite everyone. Just put yourself out there, and
you’ll make friends in no time.
3) Join a sports team or league
Join a community or recreational sports team. You’ll meet
tons of people!
4) Join a club or organization
Find a hobby that you like and join a club or organization
for that hobby. Enjoy sailing? Join a sailing club and you’ll
be sailing with your new friends every weekend.
5) Join a community theatre group
Community theatre groups often put on shows with 20 or 30
cast members who will work closely together for a few months.
You’ll literally get to laugh and cry together. Just remember
to go to all the cast parties!
6) Volunteer
As I always say, volunteering is one of the safest ways to
meet people because most people who take the time to volunteer
can’t be too bad. You’ll probably get along because you have
a common cause, and it may also feel less intimidating because
you’ll be distracted by the work you’re doing.
7) Join a Meetup group
There are Meetup groups in every city. Just go to Meetup.com
and search for specific interest groups in your city. You
can probably have a few meetings a month if you want!
8) Join a business association
If you’re a professional or business owner, you should join some
business networking associations. You’ll meet tons of great
people who are as eager and ambitious as you are.
9) Walk your dog
Dog owners are a close bunch. They often chat while their dogs sniff
each other and play. So walk your dog often and let it introduce
you to other animal lovers. If your dog is especially beautiful or
cute, you may even see other strangers approaching you just to pet
your dog.
Potential downside: Your dog may attract more attention than yourself.
So make sure you take the initiative to start conversations!
10) Travel
People often lower the inhibitions when they are in a foreign
country, so traveling is a great way to meet new people. If you’re
young, stay at a hostel and meet other backpackers. If you’re older,
go on a cruise or guided trip and talk to other people on the ship
or in the tour group. Make sure to stay in touch after the trip.
And oh…here’s a reminder…in addition to these
free newsletter articles, I also have a killer downloadable course
called the “Smart Dating Course”. It’s literraly JAM PACKED
with dozens and dozens of SPECIFIC TECHNIQUES that you can
use RIGHT NOW to increase your success with women.
I’ve spent a lot of time, effort, and energy in
creating this system. I believe that ANY guy can use the
“Smart Dating Course” to IMMEDIATELY start meeting and
dating women…without having to “hyponize” them,
“manipulate them”, or any of that junk.
So…if you have been enjoying my free newsletter
and would like to take your success even further (A LOT
further, actually), check out my “Smart Dating Course”
now at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html
- Marius P.
P.S. Women, check our my “Smart Relationships Course” at:
www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
Posted by Marius Panzarella on September 21, 2010 · 1 Comment
I’ve said many times that people are naturally drawn towards
natural leaders who are positive and energetic. So today, I’m
going to give you a few personal tips on how to be more positive!
1) Stop comparing yourself to others
The first tip I have for you is to stop comparing yourself to
other people. Until you stop doing this, it will be very
hard for you to feel grateful about what you already have. And
if you always think other people are better off than you are
even though you are the one who deserves more, it’s going to
turn you cynical and bitter over time.
- Stop comparing your career success with other people’s. There’s
always going to be someone richer than you
- Stop seeking approval from other people
- Compare yourself to yourself. See how much you’ve grown
and how far you’ve come. Compete against yourself, but not with
other people
- Understand that everyone has different strengths and priorities
2) Consciously look for something good in everyone you meet
This will probably sound cheesy, but I strongly encourage you
to try to look for something good in everyone you meet. It will
help you act more positive towards them.
- Think about “why” someone would do something rude and excuse
their behavior the best way you can
- Do not make the assumption that everyone is against you
- Just set a good example yourself rather than trying to change
people
- Think about what lessons you have learned from the encounter,
even if it is “this is why I don’t want to be like them.”
- Focus on the things they are good at rather than the things they
are bad at
- Identify one or two things they can do better than you
3) Detach yourself from “fairness” or justice
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most of my bitter
or less positive readers usually have a strong sense of
fairness or justice. Specifically, they tend to think
the world has done them wrong or that “the world isn’t
fair”.
The world has never been fair and never will be. Here are
a few tips on how to deal with it:
- Understand that fairness is subjective. What’s fair to you
may not feel fair to other people.
- Learn to deal with uncertainties and random events
- Tolerate and forgive
- Help people when you can, but don’t get angry
- Do things because you ENJOY doing them, not because you
expect anything in return
- Realize that no system or rules can benefit everyone
all the time
- Adapt to the world rather than forcing the world to adapt
to you.
4) Stop Thinking It’s Either All Their Fault or All Your Fault
This is an extension of my last point about fairness. Stop seeing
the world in black and white. It is hard to stay positive when
there’s always a blame game or negative self-talk going on.
Accept responsibility for your own actions – nothing less, nothing
more. Do not blame others, but do not carry someone else’s burden
on your shoulders either.
- Stop thinking about things in terms of black and white. Accept
the fact that sometimes both parties should take responsibility.
- If you’re always blaming yourself, chances are, you should
not be taking responsibility for everything
- If you’re always blaming other people, chances are, you
should start looking internally as well
5) Focus on what you want instead of the problem
There’s an old saying, “Focus on the solution,
not the problem.” Unfortunately, thinking about solutions
often lead to other problems. People often think of
solutions that are polar opposites and “get stuck”
weighing the pro’s and con’s of each one. This gets them
stuck in a loop that they can’t get out of and they
become bitter, negative, and angry. (It’s hard to remain
positive when all solutions seem to bring you additional
problems!)
When I give advice to men and women stuck in such a
loop, I will often ask them bluntly, “So what exactly do
you want out of this?” Most of the time, they will dance
around the issue and tell me how they don’t really have
a preference. They will tell me about how it’s impossible
to solve their problem and show me how each problem will
give them additional problems. Sometimes they even try
to get me to make a decision for them.
But no matter how hard they try to evade my question,
I’ll always respond with the same question:
“What exactly do you want?”
Eventually I will wear them down and they will tell me
what they “think” they want. The funny thing is, as soon
as they tell me, it usually doesn’t take them long to
figure out what it is they have to do to overcome
their challenge!
- Think about what you want rather than what your problems are
- Build an action plan that will help you get what you want
- REMEMBER what you want so that you can focus on your long
term objective and ignore the short term pain when things
get tough.
6) Improve your social skills
From my experience, many people feel angry and bitter because
they feel disconnected from the world. They do not trust
other people, but at the same time they don’t understand why
other people don’t like them. If you belong in such a category,
I’d recommend you:
- Learn to interpret body language and non verbal signals
- Make eye contact and smile
- Learn to be an active listener
- Learn to give compliments rather than criticism
- Take a few acting classes
- Volunteer and join a few hobby clubs
- Learn how to have fun with people
- Improve your own body language
7) Learn to manage your behavior
Learn to manage your behavior so that you can actively
choose what you say and what you do. This will help you
become a more effective communicator and people will
see you as a more positive person as a result.
- Observe the effects your words and actions have on people
- Revisit your values and make sure they are congruent with
your actions
- Take a few communication classes and get some third party
feedback
- Avoid criticizing things and people in public
- Try not to say anything if you don’t have anything nice
to say.
- Get to know yourself under stress
8) Read Biographies
Read biographies of successful people and see how many
normal, everyday people like you and me have accomplished
the “impossible” by staying positive during tough times.
- Focus on their attitudes
- See their strengths and weaknesses
- Ask yourself what you could accomplish if you had the same
spark or passion
For more tricks and techniques on improving your attitude
and increasing your confidence, get my “Confidence With Dating”
program now at:
http://www.confidencewithdating.com
Of, if you would like step-by-step instructions on how
to get a girlfriend, get my “Smart Dating Course” now at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
P.S. Ladies, you can check out my “Smart Relationships Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com It will show you how to
keep a relationship healthy!
Posted by Marius Panzarella on September 17, 2010 · 1 Comment
We all know how hard it must be to meet people if you are
too shy to even open your mouth. I can’t promise to cure
social phobia completely, but here are a few ways you can
use to manage yourself and overcome your social anxiety:
1) Think about your strengths
Write down the things you like about yourself. They can be your
past accomplishments, your skills, or even your values and beliefs.
Memorize the list and be PROUD of it. It is your core identity
and where your mind thinks it stands in this world.
Memorize the list and think about it mentally 2-3 times a day
and every time you feel you’re getting nervous.
2) Don’t feel obliged to do something because you’ve “got to”.
In any situation, you can feel better by saying “I love to” instead
of “I’ve got to.” “I’ve go to” automatically suggests pressure,
fear, and potential failure, where as “I love to” can provide
a special feeling of empowerment.
So instead of saying “I’ve got to flirt with girls”, tell yourself,
“I love to flirt with girls.”
Instead of saying, “I’ve got to talk to people”, tell yourself,
“I love talking to people.”
3) Learn communication skills
Read books on communication skills and emotional intelligence.
After all, how can you be confident in something you don’t really
understand? Most of my “shy” or “socially anxious” clients see
dramatic changes in themselves and in their relationships once they
learn the skills associated with the following areas:
a) Emotional awareness
b) Social awareness
c) Self-management
d) Relationship management
All of these topics are covered in most books you’ll find on
communication and social skills, including my “Smart Dating
Course” and “Confidence With Dating” program.
4) Disconnect your self-worth with other people’s opinion.
Stop worrying about what others think of you. Repeat to yourself,
“I don’t need ________’s approval to feel good about myself.”
Then think about the qualities you have listed in #1.
5) Volunteer doing something you enjoy
Go out and volunteer for a cause you believe in. It will allow
you to interact with like-minded people in a safe environment.
6) Learn relaxation methods
Get a few books on meditation and learn some basic relaxation
techniques. Recognize the physical symptoms your body gives
when you start to feel nervous, and use breathing exercises to
calm yourself down before your body completely tenses up.
7) Have conversation topics ready
Read about current events so that you have plenty of topics
you could use to talk with friends or strangers. If you’re
going to a party, think about who you will bump into and
prepare potential topics for each person. This may seem
like a lot of work to do at first, but eventually it will
become so automatic you won’t even think about it anymore!
8) Practice ONE skill at a time
Don’t force yourself to do more than you can handle. Practice
just one social skill at a time but practice it WELL. For example,
if you just want to practice saying “hi” and smiling at a person,
then practice JUST that until you are so comfortable with it you
smile and say “hi” to strangers naturally. If you want to focus on
flirting, then focus on ONE flirting technique until it becomes
second-nature to you.
For more tricks and techniques on boosting your inner
game, get my “Confidence With Dating” program at:
http://www.confidencewithdating.com
Of, if you would like step-by-step instructions on how
to get a girlfriend, get my “Smart Dating Course” now at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
P.S. Ladies, you can check out my “Smart Relationships Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com It will show you how to
keep a relationship healthy!
Posted by Marius Panzarella on September 5, 2010 · Leave a Comment
How To Be More Fun
A common question I get from both my male and female readers is
how they can be more fun. Although most people would agree that being fun
makes other people appreciate and enjoy being around you more,
not all of us know how to do it. So here some general tips on how to be
more fun.
1) Don’t Be Judgmental
The first tip is to avoid seeing partying or having fun
as something beneath you. Many of my readers who are too serious have
trouble having fun because they see it as a waste of time. They think
that alcohol is “bad, period” (even social drinking) and that partying
is only for shallow, immature people. They simply refuse to lower their
intelligence to “that level”.
Well, guess what? There are times when you should be serious
and there are times when you should just relax and have fun. It all
depends on what your objectives are. You can’t exactly get a date or
be in a relationship by never having any fun, can you?
Bottom line: If you want to have fun, then you better see its
merits and stop seeing it as something below you!
2) Don’t Care About The Consequences Too Much
Try to be a little bit uninhibited compared to your usual self.
Don’t worry too much about the consequences unless something is
illegal or physically dangerous. There are times when you should
plan ahead and make sure you aren’t making any mistakes, and
there are times when you should just let go and do whatever
you or the group feels like doing. When you’re out trying to
have fun, thinking ahead too much means you’ll probably end
up missing out on opportunities instead of creating cool
stories you can tell your grandkids one day.
3) Don’t be a Downer
Don’t be the guy who ruins the fun for other people. When people
are TRYING to have fun, the last thing they want to hear is
how much you think the idea sucks or how bored you are. People
like hanging around positive people. Keep that in mind next time
you want to say something negative!
4) Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
You should also avoid being the guy who makes everything
difficult for everybody else. Be flexible and don’t make
everyone change plans just because of you. Whine enough
and people will think twice before inviting you out.
5) Don’t Turn Down Everything
Here’s an exercise for you to do while you’re learning
how to be fun: Do NOT turn down any invitation unless it is
dangerous or illegal. It’s amazing how many people claim they
want to have more friends when they always say “no” to every
social event or activity.
Think about it. Who’s more fun? The person who always says
“no” or the person who always wants to stay in? Who do you think
the group will invite back the next time?
6) Try Different Things
Seek new experiences and try new things. Fun people
are usually the ones who line up first for the crazy ride
at the amusement park or the first to try a new restaurant.
Go to where the fun is, and invite others to come with you.
You’ll be seen as a fun person in no time.
7) Push Your Own Boundaries
Be willing to push things further than anyone else.
Take risks and do things you normally wouldn’t do. Even with
things you would do, try to push it further than everyone
else. Be the crazy one. Go on a difficult hike instead of an
easy hike. (Don’t do anything unsafe, of course.) Make slightly
more outrageous or edgy jokes. Be a just little bit louder than
the crowd. Just constantly push your own boundaries and see
what you can get away with.
8) Be Spontaneous
Embrace uncertainty and make quick decisions on the spot.
Let the spurs of moment impulses run wild and do things that are
unexpected. Let your plans change based on the environment.
Let situations flow freely without too much logical input.
9) Be With the Moment
Remember that you are trying to have fun, not to
analyze a situation or come up with perfect planning. Stay
with the moment, have as much fun as you can, and forget
the rest. Leave work, worries, and your regular “logical”
mindset for later. Your mind can’t be at multiple places
at once. So focus on the activity in front of you and
enjoy it!
10) Raise Your Energy
Be more animated and just a little bit louder than
usual. Don’t be afraid of taking up space. Be like a kid -
Loud, excited, eager, and a bit silly.
11) Learn Tricks and Talents That Make You Fun
If possible, learn little things that you can use to
build your social proof. They can be legitimate “show-off”
skills like music (piano, guitar, or drums, etc) and dance,
or they can be corny things like magic, impressions, and
comedy.
12) Appreciate Life and Other People
Finally, try to appreciate life and other people in
general. It’s hard to have fun if you don’t appreciate what’s
around you at all.
For more tricks and techniques on boosting your inner
game, get my “Confidence With Dating” program at:
http://www.confidencewithdating.com
Of, if you would like step-by-step instructions on how
to get a girlfriend, get my “Smart Dating Course” now at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
P.S. Ladies, you can check out my “Smart Relationships Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com It will show you how to
keep a relationship healthy!
Posted by Marius Panzarella on August 31, 2010 · Leave a Comment
How to Stop Being a Nice Guy – 50 Ways to Challenge Yourself
Since many readers have emailed me to ask me how they
can stop acting like “nice guys”, I thought I would write an
article and give you a few ways to challenge yourself so that
you can stop being a nice guy.
Naturally, not all of the examples will apply to you.
Skim through the list and pick out the ones that’ll fit you the
most. Many of them will not be specific to dating but will help
you in general.
1) Speak up and dare to disagree – especially in public.
2) Stop trying to compare yourself to others. This way, you will stop
feeling like you have to please other people.
3) Learn to say “no”.
4) Put YOURSELF first for once.
5) Live by this rule: If it frightens you, do it. (Unless it’s illegal or
someone might get hurt physically, of course.)
6) Focus on the “bigger picture”.
7) Separate friendship from work or business.
8) Be VOCAL about what you want
9) Stop making excuses.
10) ASK other people to help you.
11) Stop blaming yourself.
12) Stop thinking the world is against you.
13) Stop doing things in secret.
14) Don’t let ANYONE waste your time.
15) Let OTHERs live up to YOUR expectations.
16) Change your situation yourself.
17) If you can’t change a bad situation, remove yourself from it
instead of waiting for it to change.
18) Be willing of letting go of what you have so you can get what you want.
19) Don’t be afraid of letting go of existing relationships.
20) Welcome uncertainty. Thrive in it.
21) Learn public speaking.
22) Draw your boundaries and stand up for yourself.
23) Have a few role models with great ambition and leadership skills.
24) Let go of your mommy and daddy issues.
25) Let go of that ex.
26) Save your kindness for people who support you and show appreciation.
27) Take risks.
28) Try haggling or bargaining when you stop.
29) Admit and accept your darker side, including your selfish motives for being
“nice”
30) Stop avoiding conflicts. Confront them.
31) Be CLEAR and DIRECT. Stop dancing around.
32) Be good to yourself.
33) Build yourself up through skills and knowledge.
34) Meet successful people and see how THEY do things.
35) Be open sexually.
36) Play competitive sports.
37) Make bold moves.
38) VALUE yourself, your ideas, and your opinion.
39) Try not to focus on what other people think.
40) Get your hands dirty as soon as possible when you do something.
41) Get some managerial training.
42) Be the one in the group who makes difficult decisions.
43) Have integrity yourself, and avoid people without it.
43) Don’t try to “change” anyone – it’s not your job to be their psychologist.
44) Have an OBJECTIVE that you can focus on, and don’t deviate yourself.
even when you face objections or criticisms.
45) Be persistent with your life goals.
46) Stop thinking masculinity equals acting like a jerk.
47) Don’t settle for what you do not like or want.
48) Avoid anything that add shame – such as drugs, prostitution, chronic masturbation, or pornography
49) Stop trying to hide your perceived flaws and mistakes.
50) Stop wasting time. (This one is important – but I will leave it for
you to figure what it means.)
For more ways to increase your confidence, get
my “Confidence With Dating” now:
It’s a perfect companion to my “Smart Dating
Course” which has received GREAT reviews from my readers.
And if you get both, you’ll get a discount!
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
Posted by Marius Panzarella on August 22, 2010 · 2 Comments
10 Mistakes Men Make When Talking to Women
Here are 10 common mistakes men make when talking to women they would like to meet.
1) Not Recognizing her Safety Level
A mistake many men make when they talk to women is not
recognizing a woman’s natural need to feel safe and
comfortable. Since women are usually not as strong physically
as men, it puts them in a more vulnerable position when
it comes to dealing with strangers they meet. So naturally,
they have a natural barrier or “bitch shield” that
protects them from potential harm.
Many men get upset because they think “hot” women act
“bitchy” around strangers. Well, try walking down the street
as a 5’6″, 120 pounds girl in high heels and miniskirt
with bigger men leering at you from all angles. See if
you’d still want to have that small talk with every guy
who approaches you.
Probably not!
So how can you make a woman feel safe when you’re talking
to her for the first time? Here are a few ideas:
- Be introduced by a third party
- Dress and groom yourself well
- Be VERY good at something so that you have SOME social proof
- Have strong, confident body language
- Have good eye contact
- Be congruent with your actions
- Avoid sensitive topics
- Talk about things she’d enjoy talking about
- Let her see you interact with other women
- Be the life of the party (once again, social proof)
- Don’t have any “strange” body language or behaviour
- Approach a woman when she’s in a group first
2) Not Being Congruent With Your Objectives
Many men make the mistake of acting incongruent when
they meet a woman they like. For example, they may
approach a woman because they want to date her, but
they will “pretend” all they want is to be a friend.
Some guys are so great at doing this that they will
lie to themselves and their friends about their true
intentions. They will say they are not interested…but
secretly hope that the girl will somehow start chasing
after them. (This way, they won’t be any chances of
rejection or embarrassment!)
My opinion is that you should search for your feelings
and be honest with yourself. If you are talking to
a woman because you want to get into her pants, at
least be bold and admit it to yourself. Go flirt with her
and let it be known through your eye contact that you
find her very attractive. Don’t try to hide it. She’ll
either flirt back or she won’t.
If you just want to be friends, then act like a friend.
If mutual feelings start developing, then start flirting.
But don’t pretend you are not interested in a woman while
trying to impress her at the same time. It’s incongruent.
3) Acting Like She’s a Goddess
Remember my theories on “up-dating”, “down-dating”, and
“romantic respect”> Most people want to date someone who’s
the “best” person they can get. (“Best” doesn’t necessarily
have to be about money or looks. It can be about values,
interests, and beliefs too.) So if you start treating a woman
like she’s a Goddess and better than you as soon as you
meet her, OF COURSE she’s not going to be very interested
in you!
4) Trying To Impress Her
Trying to impress a woman is probably the worst way to get
her to like you. Don’t suck up to her. Don’t tell her about
how much money you make or what restaurants you go to.
Don’t tell her what kind of car you drive. The only way
you should impress her is by letting her observe how
confident, calm, and aloof you act in every situation.
If there’s actual substance to you, she’ll see it. And if
she likes that substance, she will chase after it and not
want to let go. Be yourself and let her come to you. If you
can’t do that be being who you are, then work on yourself
until you can be congruent with yourself and women will
still come to you. (Most of the time, all it takes will be
a few attitude adjustments. Your actions, behaviour, and body
language will adjust naturally!)
5) Thinking Complaining Makes Yourself Look Better
Another mistake many men make is to think that complaining
or being negative can make them seem more intelligent.
But in reality, most of the time, women don’t care about the
things you want to complain about, be it your boss, your
car, or the economy.
6) Not Having Confident Body Language
Yes, people DO judge you by your body language. So be a man
and have bold, confident body language. Take up space. Have
a presence – even if you are quiet. If you need help in
this area because you are uncomfortable with your body,
workout at the the gym to build muscles and take some Pilates
classes to have better posture. You can even take some stage
acting training.
7) Not Knowing what Interests Her
A reader who works as a high-class escorts once told me
that great call girls know how to spend the first 20 minutes of
the “hour” just observing, asking questions, and listening to
a client so that they know exactly what he is really looking
for.
While you may not agree with my reader’s choice of profession,
what she said is actually very good advice. After all, it is a
an escort’s job to connect and communicate with a diversity
of men with whom they may find NOTHING in common…all within
a timeframe of 20 minutes. So how they do it? By listening,
observing, and guiding the conversationa carefully.
Make sure you learn about a girl by observing her clothes, bags,
and body language before you approach her. And while you’re
talking to her, make sure you ask questions and use active
listening to find out what interests them the most. Then tell
them what they want to hear. (Note: This does not have to be
unethical. If a girl is after the wrong things, then she is
not the kind of woman you want to date anyway.)
8) Not Realizing Tests are Just Tests
Many men do not realize that women will often throw little
verbal tests at them to see if they are consistent. For example,
they may insult you slightly to see how you react. Women are
great at guessing based on their emotions instead of their logic,
so make sure you don’t let these little verbal games take
away your confidence!
9) Being Too Afraid to Butt Heads
This is an extension of the last mistake. Many guys are too
afraid to disagree with women or to butt head with them
directly. Wrong. It’s better to realize you crash and burn than
to agree with a woman just for the sake of agreeing with her.
If you can’t even be congruent with your own beliefs, how can you
expect her to respect and admire you?
10) Not Knowing When to Stop
Finally, you should know when the stop a conversation no
matter how great it’s going. Always end up a conversation
early before the energy drops too low – unless you are sure
you can take things to the next level right away.
With that said, I’m going to end my article right here. (If
you want more, you’ll have to buy my “Smart Dating Course“!)
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
Posted by Marius Panzarella on August 18, 2010 · Leave a Comment
“When to Get Relationship Counseling”
Ever since I wrote my “Reverse Your Breakup” and “Smart
Relationships Course” based on my real life experience in helping
couples with their relationship and marriage problems, I’ve been
asked more and more about my view on relationship and marriage
counseling. Every week, I get readers who email me to ask, “Marius,
what do you think of relationship counseling? Do you think it
would be worthwhile for me to go?”
In my opinion, relationship counseling could be VERY useful
as long as the following conditions apply:
1) You Know It’s Not Your Character Problem
If you are suffering in a relationship because of your own
emotional baggage or character problems, please forget about
relationship counseling and see a therapist or psychologist
first. Almost every single relationship case I’ve worked with
involves 1 or more of the following 3 problem factors:
Character, Intimacy, or Attraction. A relationship coach can
help you improve your communication skills or find the missing
spark again, but there’s no way they can help you overcome
your inner demons unless they have been trained as a
psychologist.
I’m going to be really blunt here….
If you have daddy issues, go see a therapist.
If you have addictions, go see a therapist.
If you are abusive, go see a therapist.
Get it?
Once you have your inner demons under control, you can THEN
go through relationship counseling if you think you still
need some extra help. But don’t try to fix your relationship
before you fix yourself – it’s not fair to your partner!
2) You Know That It’s Not Your Partner’s Character Problem
The same also applies to your partner. If they have character
or emotional problems that are affecting your relationship
with them, get them to seek professional help. If they refuse
to seek help, there’s not much you can do. Ultimately, it’s their
decision – and you have to respect that. It’s their choice
to stay addicted to drugs, and it’s your choice to stay with
them…
3) There’s Intimacy Issues But You Both Want to Make It Work
You can seek relationship or marriage counseling if there’s
a lack of emotional intimacy but you’re both still determined
to make things work. (If only one of you want to stay, then
it’s really an attraction issue. Relationship counseling won’t
help you much here. You’ll need to get my “Smart Dating Course”
and my “Smart Relationships Course” and try to use my techniques
to boost that attraction.)
Through relationship counseling, you will learn how to respect
each other’s safety zones by:
- Understanding and comforting your partner even
when you disagree
- Showing support for their goals and decisions
- Using active listening to understand your partner
- Understanding how your own actions and behavior affects
your partner and the relationship
- Examining your mutual goals and values
- Listening and clarifying instead of making assumptions
But these things definitely won’t boost the attraction! Use them
on a person who’s not interested at all anymore, and you will only
push them further away!
4) When the Spark is Missing, But You Still Want to Stay With Each Other
Relationship counseling will also help if you feel the
“spark” is mostly gone but there is still attraction left.
You will learn how to bring back the “fun” in your relationship
or marriage. Naturally, you can’t have the first touch or the
first kiss again, but at least you will enjoy each other’s
company and feel a satisfying “bond” between each other.
5) When Infidelity Has Occurred But You Both It To Work
Another reason to seek relationship counseling is
if infidelity has occurred in your relationship but you are
BOTH interested in putting it behind you.
Having a neutral relationship coach who can
guide you through the most common reactions after the
incident (examples: guilt, jealousy, criticism, and
contempt) may affect the time it takes for your relationship
to recover, or even if your relationship recovers at all!
To say the least, going through counseling TOGETHER
will demonstrate a willingness and commitment to make the
relationship work, and that is a VERY important first
step to recovery.
6) When There’s a Specific Issue You BOTH Want Help On
Relationship counseling may also show you how
to deal with a lot of the small challenges that life
may throw at you. By removing the small obstacles in
your relationship (money, family, etc) one by one,
you may eventually bring back all the small pleasures
back into your relationship.
Don’t think you need relationship counseling
yet but still want to improve your relationship? Get my
“Smart Relationships Course” at:
http://www.smartrelationshipscourse.com
You won’t regret getting it. Learn just ONE
useful concept, and itwill benefit you FOR LIFE!
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on August 6, 2010 · 3 Comments
“30 Fun and Great First Date Ideas”
Here are 30 fun and great first date ideas for you to consider.
1) Haunted House Date: You’ll be holding hands and hanging onto each other the whole time!
2) Amusement Park Date: Always fun to go on the roller coaster together.
3) Mini-Golf Date: Cheap, cute, and fun. Also competitive in a non-serious way.
4) Bowling Date: Fun and competitive in a fun way.
5) Billiards / Pool Date: Fun, competitive, and sexy.
6) Rock-climbing Date: You’ll get to be rappel partners.
7) Ice-Skating Date: A bit cheesy, but you’ll get to hold hands and maybe fall together.
8) Outdoor Concert Date: Usually cheap or even free. Bring a nice picnic if it’s in the park.
9) Fruit Picking Date: Fun, casual, and even tastes good.
10) Driving Range Date: Share the same bucket of balls!
11) Art Gallery Date: Good if you have an artistic side. Makes you look classy.
12) Sailing Date: Great if you belong to a sailing club. Just go out on a dainty and have a great time!
13) Renaissance Fair Date: A very unique environment. Lots of small crafts to look at.
14) Hiking Date: Good if you’re both into the outdoor. If the hike goes well, see if you have enough rapport to go on a longer hike or even go camping together.
15) Crabbing / Dinner Date: Throw a cage into the water, talk for a few hours, then go home and cook a great dinner together!
16) Go-Carting Date: Doesn’t matter how old you are. It’s always fun to go go-cart riding.
17) Bike Riding Date: Great if you’re active. Go home, shower, and head out for diner.
18) Festival (Film, Music, craft, Ethnic, etc) Date: Lots of things to look at and talk about.
19) Zoo Visit Date: Always fun to do once a year.
20) Local Band Date: Cheap, casual, and a good night’s out.
21) Flea Market Date: Lots of weird things!
22) Picnic Date: Make it fancy with a cheese platter and all.
23) Local Attraction Date: It’s funny how most people never visit attractions in their hometown!
24) Canoe or Kayak Date: Share the same Canoe or Kayak. You’ll have to work together.
25) Stargazing Date: Has worked for thousands of years and won’t stop working any time soon.
26) Community Theater Date: Cheaper than Broadway or touring productions. Can find affordable and high quality productions in almost every major city.
27) Cook Dinner Date: Nice and romantic.
28) College Events (Mic Nights, etc) Date: Tons of free or cheap events on college campuses. Check the online event calendars.
29) Window Shopping Date: There’s a cool trendy street shopping neighbourhood in almost every city.
30) Dessert Date: Super sexy and more unique than going out for coffee or dinner.
For more dating tips, sign up for my
dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella.
“Dating Tips For Needy Men”
If you have been reading my column for awhile, you should know
that being needy pushes women away from you. So today we’re going to go
over some ways to make yourself less needy around women if that is
problem for you.
Here is a little test: See if you can look into the eyes of
an extremely attractive woman without feeling nervous or worrying
about what she thinks of you. If you can, good for you – you dont
need this article. But if you can’t, then it’s a sign you need to
follow my tips.
All of the points and techniques below are based on two
observations I’ve made over my career as a dating and relationship
coach:
Needy men are needy due to a lack of options and confidence.
They are needy because they think they cannot get a “better”
woman, which in turn comes from a lack of confidence. Here are a few
way a man can overcome these two obstacles and act less needy around
women.
1) Get used to attractive women
The first thing a needy man needs to do is to get used to
being around beautiful women. If you never get to see or hang out
with women, OF COURSE you’re going to get nervous or act needy
when you see one.
Start hanging out with beautiful girls without hitting
on them. Just befriend them without trying to make them yours. Get
used to having them around. See how HUMAN they are. See how they
have problems just like everybody else. Once you see that they
aren’t any better or different than yourself, you won’t feel a
needy to impress them anymore.
2) Build friendships with other males
It is also important that you build good friendships
with other men. In my experience, most men who do not feel
confident around women do not get along well with other men
either. Play some team sports and go out with the boys. Act
“stupid” with them and let loose! You need that competitive
testosterone!
3) Have ambition and be naturally competitive with yourself
Most people would tell you that women like men with
ambition. The more you have in your life – be in wealth or
money – the more choices you will FEEL you have in your choice
of women, period. Note I am not suggesting that all (or even
most) women are attracted to money and power, or that you
should go after the gold-diggers. What I am saying is that having
these things in your life will help you FEEL like you have
ACCESS to more women and act less needy as a result.
The perfect scenario is for you to KNOW you are
on the same caliber of the women you are trying to attract…
and that you don’t have try to impress them at all.
4) Have things to live for outside of a relationship
If you make a woman your whole world, you’re going to
drive her away, period. If you don’t have anything right now,
then go out and get it. Nobody is stopping you besides
yourself.
5) Be less available
Do not be available all the time. Don’t answer every
call and don’t accept every date. Let there be priorities
other than dating and romance.
6) Expand Your World
Go out and explore the world around you. Get interested
in what life has to offer you. Go out and meet new people. Read
books and take classes. Travel to new countries. Try new hobbies.
7) Grow Thicker Skin
Stop thinking that you are the center of the world and
stop worrying about what others think of you. Get a sales job
and get used to being rejected. Know that not everyone will
like you and that you don’t need them to like you. Focus on
being competitive with YOURSELF instead!
8) Take responsibility
Needy men love to feel victimized. Stand up for yourself
and take responsibility for your own life. Come up with solutions
for your problems and execute them. Stop whining to other people
or getting them to feel sorry for you. It won’t help you any in
the long run.
9) Exercise and dress nice
Exercise and dress well so that you always look your best.
It will make you feel more confident around strangers.
For more dating tips, sign up for my
dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella.
Posted by Marius Panzarella on July 23, 2010 · 4 Comments
“How to Judge a Person’s Character”
As a tell my readers all the time, the biggest mistake a
person can make is to get into a relationship (be it business,
personal, or romantic) with the wrong person. You can literally
ruin your own life.
So how can you tell if a person is trouble or not? Here
are some tips on how to judge a person’s character before
getting involved with them.
1) Look at who their friends are
The first thing you should do is to look at who their
friends are. As I have mentioned in the past, you can judge
a person’s character by looking at their choice of friends.
Don’t believe me? Do the “Rule of 5” test and you’ll
see how true this is!
2) Look at their past actions
Call me cynical, but I find that 90% of the time,
you can judge a person by looking at their past history.
As I always say, “once a liar, always a liar.” A person
who has gone through 17 ex-girlfriends or boyfriends is
NOT going to think that YOU are “the one” for long.
3) Look at their actions, not their words
While you are judging their actions, make sure
you don’t fall prey to the victim stories that people with
character problems always invent for themselves. Guys,
don’t just believe ALL three of her ex-husband were abusive
jerks. Ladies, don’t believe he’s “trying” to stop his
bad habits.
As I always say, actions don’t lie, words do!
4) Look at how they treat other people
People with bad character tend to be self-centered.
They may put you at first (more like pretend to put you at
first) when they see a benefit, but as soon as they benefit
is gone, they will start treating you like dirt. So rather
than judging a person based on how they treat you while
they still have something they want from you, judge them
based on how they treat people that are not so useful to
them.
5) Look for lies or exaggerations
Look for lies or exaggerations. See if their stories
match up. Use your head and turn that B.S. detector on!
6) Look for addictions
Look for addictions to alcohol, drugs, gambling,
and prostitution. Many people with character problems have
one kind of dependency or another.
7) Look at their attitude towards life
Look at how the person looks at the world. See if
they like blaming the world instead of taking responsibility
for their own actions. See if they are so negative that they
resent everything and everyone around them. (Stay AWAY if
that’s the case!)
8) Look at their beliefs and whether their actions are congruent
with their beliefs.
Finally, look at a person’s beliefs and see if they
belong to a train wreck. But don’t just look at their beliefs.
Follow the “actions, not words” rule and see if their actions
are CONGRUENT with their beliefs. That’s where a lot of
people fail!
For more dating tips, sign up for my
dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella.
“How To Compliment Your Girlfriend”
Today I am going to teach you how to compliment your
girlfriend without lowering her respect for you.
It’s really simple. All you have to do is follow my
golden rule: Praise her in public, and tease her in private.
Let’s start with the first one: praising your girlfriend
in public.
One of the most effective ways to compliment a woman
is to say good things about her to other people in front of her.
Men in a healthy relationship know how to be a gentleman and
praise their wives or girlfriends whenever there are other
people around – even when they are having a rough day.
Since you’ll be making her look good in front of her
friends and other people, she’ll take your praises a lot more
seriously than if you were to compliment her privately. She’ll
also feel appreciated and supported by you.
When in private, however, you want to avoid praising
her too much because it may come across as being needy.
What you should do instead is to tease her with playful
compliments. Use a playful tone whenever you give her a compliment,
so that it is almost like you are “approving” her or teasing her
instead of using flattery to suck up to her. (Here are some examples
of how to compliment a woman without losing your power.)
Finally, you should also remember that one of the greatest
compliments you can give to a woman is to recognize and appreciate
the “small details” that she brings into your life. Stop and check
her out visually (let her catch you) when she puts on a nice outfit.
Pay attention to her cooking and the accessories she wears, etc.
Remember Psychology 101: Everyone wants to FEEL useful and
appreciated. So give your girlfriend plenty of opportunities to
feel useful and appreciated by paying attention to the things she
does, and she’ll be a happy girlfriend!
For more dating tips, sign up for my
dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella.
“Red Flag Signs for Dating an Relationship on YOUR End”
I spend a lot of time teaching my readers what kind of
people they should AVOID dating. Today I’m going to do something
a little bit different – I am going to show you some red flag
signs in your own behavior!
Here they are:
1) Obsessive Feelings and Behavior
Obsession is bad in both dating and relationship. In dating, it
will push potential dates away. In a relationship, it will
lead to drama, anxiety, and maybe even depression. Over time,
you’ll either build up emotional baggage or go around
and around in a never-ending circle. Either way, you’re not
going to be a very happy person.
Examples of obsessive dating behavior include:
- Calling several times a day
- Becoming a fact-finder. Looking through profiles of
a date’s friends, digging up the history of a person,
reading emails and chat screens, looking through cell
phone call histories, etc
- “Copying” the date and suddenly becoming interested
with the same foods and hobbies the partner is interested
in. (This kind of person will often find themselves
“hating” the habits they’ve picked up after a few months
and move onto the next set of habits they copy from
their next partner.)
- Not respecting boundaries
- Any kind of stalking behavior
2) Have active drugs, alcohol, or gambling addictions
As a dating coach who has helped tens of thousands of
readers in the past ten years, I’ve really seen the
negative effects of drug and alcohol abuse. If you’ve
got a drug, alcohol, or gambling habit, seek help
immediately.
3) Feeling like a trophy…or wanting to keep a trophy
As I’ve stated in the past, people who practice
“down-dating” or “up-dating” will only hurt themselves
in the long run. For a relationship to work out, both
parties must respect each other equally.
4) Wanting to be with someone just to feel physically
attracted
Do not be in a relationship just because it makes
you feel physically attractive. You’ll keep on finding
yourself attracted to partners who are bad for you.
And when you finally find someone with good character,
you’ll probably end up cheating because you want more
excitement. (I see this all the time!)
5) Jumping into future fantasies – getting married, etc
If you find yourself thinking about getting married
before you have dated for at least a year, you’re getting
ahead of yourself. From experience, you need at least
two to three years to know someone well. You may think
you “know” a person because you think you’re soul mates,
but chances are, you won’t feel that way anymore when
the attraction level drops.
6) Acting emotional whenever you are around a person
Emotional drama isn’t a sign of true love. It’s a sign
of incompatibility and character problems. So if you
constantly find yourself being overly emotional around
every person you date, chances are, at least half
of the character problems is on your end.
7) Wanting to take without giving back or giving a lot
more than what comes back
If you constantly give more than what you get back
in a relationship, then you’re way too needy and do not
know how to protect yourself.
If you only take but never give, then you aren’t going
to be satisfied in your relationship in the long run.
A relationship has to be at least near equal in order
for it to work!
8) Angry about your life or family
Daddy issues do exist. If you’re angry about your life
or family, see a therapist and get those issues fixed.
From my experience, most men and women who hate their
family end up having dysfunctional relationships when
they get into a long term relationship as well. Let
go of your emotional baggage so that it doesn’t affect
your partner and relationship.
For more dating tips, sign up for my
dating newsletter at:
http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com
Thanks,
Marius P.
