10 Mistakes Men Make When Talking to Women
10 Mistakes Men Make When Talking to Women
Here are 10 common mistakes men make when talking to women they would like to meet.
1) Not Recognizing her Safety Level
A mistake many men make when they talk to women is not
recognizing a woman’s natural need to feel safe and
comfortable. Since women are usually not as strong physically
as men, it puts them in a more vulnerable position when
it comes to dealing with strangers they meet. So naturally,
they have a natural barrier or “bitch shield” that
protects them from potential harm.
Many men get upset because they think “hot” women act
“bitchy” around strangers. Well, try walking down the street
as a 5’6″, 120 pounds girl in high heels and miniskirt
with bigger men leering at you from all angles. See if
you’d still want to have that small talk with every guy
who approaches you.
Probably not!
So how can you make a woman feel safe when you’re talking
to her for the first time? Here are a few ideas:
- Be introduced by a third party
- Dress and groom yourself well
- Be VERY good at something so that you have SOME social proof
- Have strong, confident body language
- Have good eye contact
- Be congruent with your actions
- Avoid sensitive topics
- Talk about things she’d enjoy talking about
- Let her see you interact with other women
- Be the life of the party (once again, social proof)
- Don’t have any “strange” body language or behaviour
- Approach a woman when she’s in a group first
2) Not Being Congruent With Your Objectives
Many men make the mistake of acting incongruent when
they meet a woman they like. For example, they may
approach a woman because they want to date her, but
they will “pretend” all they want is to be a friend.
Some guys are so great at doing this that they will
lie to themselves and their friends about their true
intentions. They will say they are not interested…but
secretly hope that the girl will somehow start chasing
after them. (This way, they won’t be any chances of
rejection or embarrassment!)
My opinion is that you should search for your feelings
and be honest with yourself. If you are talking to
a woman because you want to get into her pants, at
least be bold and admit it to yourself. Go flirt with her
and let it be known through your eye contact that you
find her very attractive. Don’t try to hide it. She’ll
either flirt back or she won’t.
If you just want to be friends, then act like a friend.
If mutual feelings start developing, then start flirting.
But don’t pretend you are not interested in a woman while
trying to impress her at the same time. It’s incongruent.
3) Acting Like She’s a Goddess
Remember my theories on “up-dating”, “down-dating”, and
“romantic respect”> Most people want to date someone who’s
the “best” person they can get. (“Best” doesn’t necessarily
have to be about money or looks. It can be about values,
interests, and beliefs too.) So if you start treating a woman
like she’s a Goddess and better than you as soon as you
meet her, OF COURSE she’s not going to be very interested
in you!
4) Trying To Impress Her
Trying to impress a woman is probably the worst way to get
her to like you. Don’t suck up to her. Don’t tell her about
how much money you make or what restaurants you go to.
Don’t tell her what kind of car you drive. The only way
you should impress her is by letting her observe how
confident, calm, and aloof you act in every situation.
If there’s actual substance to you, she’ll see it. And if
she likes that substance, she will chase after it and not
want to let go. Be yourself and let her come to you. If you
can’t do that be being who you are, then work on yourself
until you can be congruent with yourself and women will
still come to you. (Most of the time, all it takes will be
a few attitude adjustments. Your actions, behaviour, and body
language will adjust naturally!)
5) Thinking Complaining Makes Yourself Look Better
Another mistake many men make is to think that complaining
or being negative can make them seem more intelligent.
But in reality, most of the time, women don’t care about the
things you want to complain about, be it your boss, your
car, or the economy.
6) Not Having Confident Body Language
Yes, people DO judge you by your body language. So be a man
and have bold, confident body language. Take up space. Have
a presence – even if you are quiet. If you need help in
this area because you are uncomfortable with your body,
workout at the the gym to build muscles and take some Pilates
classes to have better posture. You can even take some stage
acting training.
7) Not Knowing what Interests Her
A reader who works as a high-class escorts once told me
that great call girls know how to spend the first 20 minutes of
the “hour” just observing, asking questions, and listening to
a client so that they know exactly what he is really looking
for.
While you may not agree with my reader’s choice of profession,
what she said is actually very good advice. After all, it is a
an escort’s job to connect and communicate with a diversity
of men with whom they may find NOTHING in common…all within
a timeframe of 20 minutes. So how they do it? By listening,
observing, and guiding the conversationa carefully.
Make sure you learn about a girl by observing her clothes, bags,
and body language before you approach her. And while you’re
talking to her, make sure you ask questions and use active
listening to find out what interests them the most. Then tell
them what they want to hear. (Note: This does not have to be
unethical. If a girl is after the wrong things, then she is
not the kind of woman you want to date anyway.)
8) Not Realizing Tests are Just Tests
Many men do not realize that women will often throw little
verbal tests at them to see if they are consistent. For example,
they may insult you slightly to see how you react. Women are
great at guessing based on their emotions instead of their logic,
so make sure you don’t let these little verbal games take
away your confidence!
9) Being Too Afraid to Butt Heads
This is an extension of the last mistake. Many guys are too
afraid to disagree with women or to butt head with them
directly. Wrong. It’s better to realize you crash and burn than
to agree with a woman just for the sake of agreeing with her.
If you can’t even be congruent with your own beliefs, how can you
expect her to respect and admire you?
10) Not Knowing When to Stop
Finally, you should know when the stop a conversation no
matter how great it’s going. Always end up a conversation
early before the energy drops too low – unless you are sure
you can take things to the next level right away.
With that said, I’m going to end my article right here. (If
you want more, you’ll have to buy my “Smart Dating Course“!)
Thanks,
Marius Panzarella
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